Some late night thoughts

Ten years ago, I thought my life would be different. I thought I would be married, have a kid or at least be pregnant, and own a house by now. I thought I would be working at CHOP and working for my Master’s or Doctorate’s to be a pediatric nurse practitioner. I thought I would be living this happy, perfect life. Well guess what 15 year old me, life isn’t perfect.

I’m not married, I don’t have any kids nor am I pregnant, and I don’t own a house. I’m not working at CHOP and I’m not currently in school to further my education. I am certainly not living this happy, perfect life. I’m happy and content with my life, but I am always hungry for more. There are things that are out of my control, so I just have to go with the flow.

I’ve been with Justin for ten years now, so yeah it’s expected to get all these questions about the next step. “So, when is the wedding???” Stop asking me because I don’t know. When I see couples getting engaged and married and they haven’t been together for as long as we have, yes I get a little jealous. But I shouldn’t be because I’m the luckiest girl in the world to have the best guy ever. But what the heck man, do you want to marry me? I get it. You’re saving money for a ring or whatever. Honestly, I don’t even care if it has real diamonds. You spend money on things that costs more than my ideal ring if you total the amount you spend in the last month. So what’s taking you so long? You say you’re ready, but are you really? Are you having second thoughts? Shoot. Do you even love me? Wait, maybe I’m not ready. I’m scared. Maybe it’s not meant to happen. What if I’m the one that doesn’t love him??? These are the words that are in my head, repeating over and over again, whenever anyone asks me about our future. Title or no title, I fucking love this man and he loves me. So please. Stop. Asking. Me.

Ten years flew by in a blink of an eye. I can’t change what happened in those ten years. The past is the past. Things happened for a reason. Mistakes were made. Lessons were learned. I just have to keep living life, no matter how hard. With the things I cannot control, I’ll just leave it to God. It’s all God’s plan.

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