Goodbye 2018! Get Ready 2019!

It’s the last day of the year, so it’s time to reflect on the positive things and set some new goals for the year! Before I write about some goals, here are the top three events (that I could remember from the top of my head) that happened this year:

  1. I traveled to Mexico for the second time
  2. I turned 26
  3. I’m engaged to Justin!!!

2018 was great, but I’m ready for you 2019! I don’t usually do new years resolutions because I don’t like to disappoint myself. BUT WHY NOT!? Here we go…

Be compliant with medications attend regular therapy sessions. I remember the year started out rough. I was not mentally stable and I was not taking my medications regularly…Sooo basically I was screwing myself up. My mood fluctuates which I pretty much feel like is my new “normal,” but I was having suicidal thoughts. I wanted to give up on everything. Many times I’ve been this close to quitting my job, breaking up with Justin, and swallowing pills to never wake up. Those thoughts are still coming and going, but I think I’ve gotten better with facing and dealing with triggers. Actually, I have gotten better. I started seeing a therapist because I needed to talk to a professional in person. I couldn’t really stick with one as I’m currently on my fourth therapist this year, but I feel like she’s different. I wanted to see someone experienced and even though she doesn’t have her LPC yet, she is already opening up my eyes to different views. So that’s one positive thing I did this year and will continue to do.

Remember that work is just work. Some days I just wanted to quit my job. But work is just a small part of my life. I tend to take work home, and mixing that with my already anxious, racing mind… it’s not such a great combination. I received a 5% salary increase, plus I have the chance to “overtime” for four hours on some Saturdays. So yes, work helps me live. It pays the bills and helps me treat myself once in a while. I’m stressed out all the time about being a nurse. Sometimes I don’t even want to save lives anymore. Maybe I am too involved, too empathetic, too compassionate, or whatever you call it. But it is mentally and emotionally exhausting. I can only have control on so much and people make their own decisions. So I have to keep the mindset that I go to work, and work. Do what I was trained to do, and gain the experience so I can apply those skills to my future practice.

Keep on learning. One of the biggest steps I took this year was school. My therapist encouraged me to apply to school and here I am… One quarter down! One step closer to my master’s degree. One step closer to becoming a psychiatric mental health nurse practitioner. I almost gave up, probably three weeks into it. I was having writer’s block and couldn’t write a simple answer to a discussion board. My family was very supportive even when I wanted to quit. If I felt like that was the right thing to do, then let it be so. I talked to my psychiatrist and he encouraged me to keep going. He made me realize that once I have that degree, only then will I be able to decide if I want to use it. And he’s right. If I really don’t want to be a nurse practitioner, at least get the master’s so I can make that decision. Plus, school is helping me grow and have more knowledge.

Live healthy and live in the present. I need to drink more water, eat healthier, and work out! I’ll give the gym a couple more chances lol. Maybe I’ll be able to squat 135 again and more. If I’m still not enjoying the gym, then yoga or some other form of exercise! Along with that, I need to practice mental wellness. I’m learning to practice mindfulness for a healthier mind.

Love more. I need to be able to express and show more appreciation for the people I love because they are all that matters to me in the end. So much drama has been happening around, and I don’t need any of that negativity. I just need to focus on what really matters and let go of toxic people and ideas. So I’m trying to focus on more loving to my family, friends, and fiance. I’m going to be a wife soon, so you know I have to fulfill my duties! One advice I received is to keep on dating even after marriage. Keep the love alive!

Those are just five things in mind. Now I have to get ready for this new year’s eve party with the family!

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